Sheri, Did You Know?

 I love you and miss you, but it felt like maybe you knew...

I told you that it felt similar to my parents when we sold your car earlier this year. Because you had so many migraines and were losing sight in your right eye, it felt like you were giving up for a long time.

You were overly considerate to a fault as you didn't want to go to the hospital because you said that you couldn't afford the bill and never asked me for help as you didn't want to be a burden. Part of my depression was because you withdrew from life and me for so long hiding out in your office.

Thank you so much for spending so much time in the family room and rarely going to your office since the first surgery. I looked forward to coming out of my office to see you and give you "magic kisses." I felt bad when I wanted to watch 2 games at the same time in my office especially since my recliner was so much more comfortable than the couch.

You continued sleeping with your head down because apparently it was comfortable for you since it was comfortable before the Chiari Malformation surgery in June. I realized and knew that you were more comfortable sleeping like that because you had so much strain at the base of your neck and remember you telling about something moving in your back. Therefore since that surgery when you appeared to be relieved, made me question if you were because you were still sleeping sitting up with your head forward and you were still having balance issues from the right ear infection.

Despite your balance, you made a strong effort to go with me nearly everywhere including bowling which was completely different than in the past 5 to 10 years and I thank you for it. I enjoyed opening your door and holding your hand as we did when first in love.

I heard you when you told me that you were scared of dying and in the week of the surgery you told me that you were scared. I was scared too because back when we sold your car I had a vision of you passing from a massive stroke and was super happy it wasn't true after the first surgery in June.\

I was surprised they did the surgery in June because you were so weak from lack of keeping food or liquids down. You gave me hope and excitement days after the surgery because you expressed the desire to continue to get better and the desire to get the tumors removed to save your sight in your left eye.

It was so encouraging when we went to the opthalmologist who found that you could see out of your right eye, with prism glasses which was way better than losing sight completely. I was so encouraged by it that I elected vision coverage a week ago for my job's annual enrollment and was looking forward to getting new glasses with you in January after you recover from this last surgery.

I felt like you knew the morning before the surgery as you put on a happy face. I knew you were scared when I came in from parking the car and you told me via text that you were at the chapel. I knew you were scared when you asked the doctor twice "How are YOU feeling today?" I felt like something was not right when they handed you papers to sign after the MRI and you said "I don't know what I am signing."

I felt like you and I knew that it was the last time seeing each other,but you continued smiling all morning which made me feel better.i wanted to turn back to the house to get our rings because I was so happy to see you happy although I was scared too because we understood their was a risk despite the doctor making it sound like this surgery should be better with less recovery than the Chiari Malformation surgery in June. I know you wanted positive vibes so I tried to block those thoughts out and remembered how well you did before.

We watched a comedian that asked "who are bigger liars, men or women?" He said "men told the most lies but women tell the biggest." I am not calling you a liar, and maybe you didn't know, but it doesn't matter. I have grieved losing you so hard the past couple of days.

 Thank you for coming back to love me from the first surgery. I will be stronger every day that passes. Thank you for always being considerate, leaving me the last Häagen-Dazs ice cream bar in the fridge. Thank you for being happy to eat and share the same food many times in the past few months including taking one bite off my chocolate granola bar for the "cottage cheese" (my term for a bite or 2 is good, but more than that is too much) experience. Thank you for loving me and accepting me. Thank you for learning to calm me down when I was upset with others. Thank you for caring for my parents in their time of need.

Thank you Sheri L Thomson for SHARING your life with me. Please don't comment negatively as you did after a compliment because you are like everyone in not being perfect but perfectly fine being you.

I will share WHY we went through with the 2nd surgery in my next blog.Thank you for reading my undying love for Sheri.